Today, one in two marriages end in divorce. Children whose own parents divorced are more likely to divorce themselves. Because divorce is no longer a social taboo, people opt for this more quickly rather than try to work things out, and fewer people than in previous generations are now prepared to stay in an unhappy marriage.
When couples with children split up, there is less money for the custodial parent to live on. The family home might have to be sold to provide two households, and the children might have to move areas and change schools. Some children might have to be taken into care or be brought up by a relative if neither parent can house them or care for them. Relationships children have with extended family members can change for the worse.
With the removal of a partner from the family home, there is also the possibility of a loss of a role model, parenting skills, general skills, and support from that parent’s extended family. Financial strain, changes in living arrangements, and shifting family dynamics often result in emotional stress for children. Studies show that children in divorced families are two to three times more likely to experience behavioral and emotional problems compared to those from intact families [Source].
Children from divorced families are less likely to do well in school, have poorer mental health, lower self-esteem, and more problems with their relationships than children from intact families. Pre-teenagers might get involved in drug or alcohol misuse and truanting, while teenagers might become sexually active earlier and be involved in delinquent behavior. According to research, children of divorced parents are 25% more likely to drop out of school compared to their peers [Source].
However, not all children affected by divorce have these problems. Some children have them regardless of their parents’ divorce. It is important to note that children with a strong support network, clear communication, and emotional stability from both parents are less likely to experience long-term effects from the separation.
Children of separated and divorced parents may feel betrayed, hurt, angry, sad, rejected, abandoned, fearful, and confused. They may have little self-worth, feeling unlovable and to blame for what has happened. Sometimes children become withdrawn, depressed, and anxious. Psychologists suggest that addressing these emotions early through open dialogue, therapy, and counseling can significantly reduce the long-term emotional impact.
How Parents Can Help
Parents play a crucial role in helping their children cope with divorce. Reassuring the child that they are loved and not to blame is essential. Consistency and routine in both households also help children feel safe and secure. Children often benefit from being kept informed about changes that affect them, such as moving homes or changes in schools. Honest conversations, appropriate to the child’s age, are key.
Parents should also work together to ensure that conflicts are resolved amicably. Shielding the child from parental disputes reduces stress. Encouraging healthy relationships with both parents is another important step in fostering emotional security in children.
Practical Coping Strategies for Children
- Routine: Keeping a consistent daily routine helps children feel secure. When their world feels chaotic due to separation or divorce, structure provides stability.
- Communication: Encourage children to express their feelings. Let them talk about their fears and concerns without judgment.
- Support Networks: Ensure children maintain connections with their extended family and close friends. A strong support network can help them feel less isolated.
- Counseling: Therapy can be beneficial for children struggling with their emotions. Consider seeking professional help if you notice signs of depression, anxiety, or withdrawal.
- Reassurance: Constantly reassure your child that they are loved and that the divorce is not their fault.
Discuss the Following Questions with the Class
- Have you experienced your parents separating or divorcing? How did you feel about it?
- How could you help friends whose parents are going through separation or divorce? (Talk to them about their feelings. Be understanding if they are grumpy or moody – make allowances. Try to empathize with them and imagine how it would feel if your parents were splitting up or how it felt when they did.)
- What problems might children face when becoming part of a new family or their family gets ‘blended’ with another? (Children from each family might be treated differently, and there might be step-sibling rivalry, with step-parents not liking the children or the children not talking to them. Children from the two families might have to share rooms, have less time alone with their parents than they used to and have to eat food they might not like prepared by a step-parent. There might be new rules, and they might be told off by someone new. They might still hope that their parents will get together again.)
- Have you experienced positive outcomes of a newly formed family? (You might benefit from a larger support network of relations as you have step-grandparents and aunts and uncles too now; you might be relieved that the conflict you experienced at home has stopped; you might have escaped from an abusive parent.)
- How could you help a friend whose divorced parent is remarrying? (Talk to them about their feelings. Be understanding if they are grumpy or moody – make allowances. Try to empathize and imagine how you would feel if your mum or dad remarried – or how it felt when they did.)
Positive Outcomes of Divorce
While divorce can be emotionally draining, it can also lead to positive outcomes for children. For some children, the end of a toxic or abusive relationship between parents can provide relief. In a conflict-ridden home, constant exposure to arguments and tension can take a toll on a child’s emotional well-being. Research suggests that children from high-conflict homes can show improved well-being post-divorce [Source].
A blended family can also introduce more supportive relationships. Children may gain new family members who contribute to their emotional and social development. These additional relationships can enrich their lives by providing more diverse perspectives, life lessons, and emotional support.
